These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
