when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
