Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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