People in love make me want to vomit
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We need to get me chipped asap
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
