I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
