I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
