I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
