What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
