You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
this just has baby written all over it
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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