Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The feeling are messing with the penis
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
