If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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