You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
