How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
