8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
