You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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