Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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