I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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