Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
