HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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