he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
