i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
