Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
