He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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