i can't believe i had my finger in that
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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