His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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