did you get engaged???
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
