Who wears a wallet chain?!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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