her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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