its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
