You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
love makes seman taste better
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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