All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
