im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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