halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
