She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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