and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
