My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
