Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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