am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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