Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize