Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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