good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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