either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
