My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
