yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
