Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
