So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He better not be in your backpack
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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