I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
