did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
