we're blogging at a bar
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
