It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
