You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
