garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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