Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
