So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
