He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
