he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
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He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
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Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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