I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
