I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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