When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
