Just cropdusted the office
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
