He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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