I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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