I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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