Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Randomize
