That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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