This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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