oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
