the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
