Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
