just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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