come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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