Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
