I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize