you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
